not loving u is harder than u know..

It has been almost 4years.
all this while, iv been waiting to wait for our 4th anniversary,
cause this year,im coming home. Yah i'll be home.
Im glad for this is the first chance i got.I can celebrate our
anniversary together :) I cant imagine how it would be.
it must be wonderful and full of love,right dear?

but yesterday,
everything's gone. i was clueless.
felt like my heart was just like the glass shattered on the floor.
u'd ruined everything. i couldnt sleep,i couldnt smile,i couldnt behave
the way i'd used to be. i felt totally lost. i miss u,and still hoping
that it was just a dream,really hoped so~ a freaky dream..

i wanna hate u. really.
i wanna blame u for all those things uv done.i mean it.
im sick. i hate u!

but those words are just unintended
no matter how hard i try,no matter what iv put on,
i still cant hate u..myb i'll remain a heart broken-woman like this.
i wanna hate u,but i cant..

can i love u sincerely from here?
i miss u these much..but u'll neva know..
without u knowing it..i wont disturb u,
let just me myself who know it.

guess my life will be empty now..

i wanna fall asleep,keeping myself unconscious....
till the time i can accept everything..

terima kenyataan

it's 6th oct already..
Im counting the days, it was sunday when I got messed up with my life.
and now,it's friday.. and for sure,6days already passed by
without me myself realize it.now what to do?waiting is not
a pleasure thing to do,instead, it's a misery.
Yet still I wanna believe,that I can smile again..
sabarlah wahai hati.. the new day will come,
but Im not sure when will it be..pasrah lah wahai hati..
mgkin apa yg kau mahukan itu tidak baik bg kamu..
im begging u~pasrahlah..pasrahlah..

Sometimes, I wish to had my memory lost,abruptly.
Cause Im pretty sure,that's the best way I can heal myself.
if I din remember anything,for sure,i'll forget u.
It's better than seeing my distressed face into the mirror,
no more smile appear. but when i read this ayat,
I keep telling myself to be patient,
to endure everything..

"..Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah,
dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati,

padahal kamulah org yg plg tggi darjatnya,
jika kamu org yg beriman.."

~al-Imran:139

Maybe,He had bigger plan for me,
something better than i could ever imagine..

"..cukuplah Allah bagiku,tiada tuhan selainnya..

Hanya kepadanya aku bertawakkal.."
~ at-Taubah:129

Sabarlah zati..kenyataan memang selalunya pahit..

Sabar~

"..dan kerana tuhanmu, bersabarlah.."~ al-Muddasir:7

Hari ni,Allah menguji aku lg...aku akui, ianya amatla sukar..

Tp aku harap, ujian kali ni lg mendekatkan aku padanya..

I never blame anyone for what's already written by Him, NEVER!

Cause I know, there'll be blessings in disguise.

But yet, still I hope, He'll give me enough courage to live.

and to wait for something precious in me..

"..Dun cry out my dearie eyes, u'll be just fine,

Dun get crashed my heart, sooner or later, u wont bleed anymore.

Trust Him, then everything will b alright.. "

Whenever a Muslim is afflicted with a hardship,

 sickness, sadness, worry, harm, or depression

–even a thorn’s prick,

Allah expiates his sins because of it.  

..amin..

the truth is~

im letting u go,
not because ive given up,
the truth is because i ♥ u..

:'(

ya Allah,
aku xkuat..aku xteguh..aku xmampu..
kau berikan aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi semua dugaan darimu..
Biarlah,i know it's hard to express everything out @ once..
but i know, U'll understand all better than i m.. i know that U know
my sadness and suffer.. i know it,U'll always b there eventhough sometimes,i forget u,astaghfirullah..
ya Allah ya Rabbi.. forgive me..kuatkan aku ya Allah..

Wahai kaum yg bergelar hawa

:) ♥ 

Jadilah bunga seindah mawar berduri,

Yang menjadi impian setiap Muslimah sejati

Yang indahnya bukan untuk lelaki,

Tetapi untuk permata yang bernama ”SUAMI”

Doa buat si dia...

Ya Allah...
Seandainya telah Engkau catatkan.

Dia milikku tercipta buatku.

Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku.

Titipkanlah kebahagiaan antara kami.
Agar kemesraan itu abadi.

Ya Allah...
Ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengasihani.

Seringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini.

Ketepian yang sejahtera dan abadi.

Maka jodohkanlah kami.

Tetapi Ya Allah...
Seandainya telah Engkau takdirkan
Dia bukan milikku.

Bawalah dia jauh daripada pandanganku.

Luputkanlah dia dari ingatanku.

Dan periharalah aku dari kekecewaan.

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengerti.

Berikanlah aku kekuatan.

Menolak bayangannya jauh ke dada langit.

Hilang bersama senja yang merah.

Agarku sentiasa tenang.

Walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya.

Ya Allah yang tercinta.

Pasrahkanlah aku dengan takdir-Mu.
Sesungguhnya apa yang telah Engkau takdirkan
Adalah yang terbaik untukku.

Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui.

Segala yang terbaik buat hamba-Mu ini.

Ya Allah...
Cukuplah Engkau sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaku.

Di dunia dan akhirat.

Dengarkanlah rintihan daripada hamba-Mu yang daif ini.

Jangan Engkau biarkan aku sendirian.

Di dunia ini mahupun di akhirat.

Menjuruskan aku ke arah kamaksiatan dan kemungkaran.

Maka kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yang beriman.

Agar aku dan dia sama-sama dapat membina kesejahteraan hidup.
Ke jalan yang Engkau redhai.

Dan kurniakanlah kepadaku keturunan yang soleh dan solehah.

Ya Allah...
Berikanlah kami kebahagiaan di dunia dan akhirat...
Dan periharalah kami dari azab api Neraka...

Amin...amin...Ya rabbal 'aalamin.