not loving u is harder than u know..

It has been almost 4years.
all this while, iv been waiting to wait for our 4th anniversary,
cause this year,im coming home. Yah i'll be home.
Im glad for this is the first chance i got.I can celebrate our
anniversary together :) I cant imagine how it would be.
it must be wonderful and full of love,right dear?

but yesterday,
everything's gone. i was clueless.
felt like my heart was just like the glass shattered on the floor.
u'd ruined everything. i couldnt sleep,i couldnt smile,i couldnt behave
the way i'd used to be. i felt totally lost. i miss u,and still hoping
that it was just a dream,really hoped so~ a freaky dream..

i wanna hate u. really.
i wanna blame u for all those things uv done.i mean it.
im sick. i hate u!

but those words are just unintended
no matter how hard i try,no matter what iv put on,
i still cant hate u..myb i'll remain a heart broken-woman like this.
i wanna hate u,but i cant..

can i love u sincerely from here?
i miss u these much..but u'll neva know..
without u knowing it..i wont disturb u,
let just me myself who know it.

guess my life will be empty now..

i wanna fall asleep,keeping myself unconscious....
till the time i can accept everything..

terima kenyataan

it's 6th oct already..
Im counting the days, it was sunday when I got messed up with my life.
and now,it's friday.. and for sure,6days already passed by
without me myself realize it.now what to do?waiting is not
a pleasure thing to do,instead, it's a misery.
Yet still I wanna believe,that I can smile again..
sabarlah wahai hati.. the new day will come,
but Im not sure when will it be..pasrah lah wahai hati..
mgkin apa yg kau mahukan itu tidak baik bg kamu..
im begging u~pasrahlah..pasrahlah..

Sometimes, I wish to had my memory lost,abruptly.
Cause Im pretty sure,that's the best way I can heal myself.
if I din remember anything,for sure,i'll forget u.
It's better than seeing my distressed face into the mirror,
no more smile appear. but when i read this ayat,
I keep telling myself to be patient,
to endure everything..

"..Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah,
dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati,

padahal kamulah org yg plg tggi darjatnya,
jika kamu org yg beriman.."

~al-Imran:139

Maybe,He had bigger plan for me,
something better than i could ever imagine..

"..cukuplah Allah bagiku,tiada tuhan selainnya..

Hanya kepadanya aku bertawakkal.."
~ at-Taubah:129

Sabarlah zati..kenyataan memang selalunya pahit..

Sabar~

"..dan kerana tuhanmu, bersabarlah.."~ al-Muddasir:7

Hari ni,Allah menguji aku lg...aku akui, ianya amatla sukar..

Tp aku harap, ujian kali ni lg mendekatkan aku padanya..

I never blame anyone for what's already written by Him, NEVER!

Cause I know, there'll be blessings in disguise.

But yet, still I hope, He'll give me enough courage to live.

and to wait for something precious in me..

"..Dun cry out my dearie eyes, u'll be just fine,

Dun get crashed my heart, sooner or later, u wont bleed anymore.

Trust Him, then everything will b alright.. "

Whenever a Muslim is afflicted with a hardship,

 sickness, sadness, worry, harm, or depression

–even a thorn’s prick,

Allah expiates his sins because of it.  

..amin..

the truth is~

im letting u go,
not because ive given up,
the truth is because i ♥ u..