I miss U.. Medic

Yes, my room is full with the folded and used tissue papers. These tears keep running down my face. Owh i feel so sad but i don't know to whom i can exclaim all those terrible, weeping emotions in me out loud..

I failed again.. Again and again..
Though i somehow feel like i knew it this could happen but seriously, no one wants to fall down repeatedly.no one wants to stop praying for a good thing to happen. This is my 3rd time and this 3rd time is the worst one. Y? Because i highly have probability to go back home, to malaysia. True, i wanna go home. But not because I'm failed! I wanna come back as a doctor. Seriously i wanna cry and cry and cry....

Y so suddenly my sponsorship has to be in this phase? Do they know that they might ruin my future in a blink of eyes? I have no other options to choose. I have no money, no spirits, no future.. :'(

Then this one induced me to stay quiet. Though i wanna speak and talk to anyone else, but it seems like my lips are sealed tightly. Iv tried talking.. But my tears will start falling. Each time i heard someone says "doc", my heart shrinks and my body weakens. I miss my study now.... I'm not lying cause i love medicine more than i think i do. And when i heard that i had to give up this, that sadness let me know that to be chosen to study medicine... it's the best thing that Allah has gifted to me.. But i never appreciate it, i took it for granted. I m wrong now but there's no use to regret...

I pray that.. They'll give one more chance to change everything. Let me try one more time cause i wanna be a doc so much.. I really want to.. Ya Allah.. Grant my wish.. I wanna be a doc someday.. Help me :'